Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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