I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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