I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
