If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize