She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
