go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize