Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
