this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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