What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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