I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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