I'm so fucking centered right now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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