So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
