I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
