i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
