as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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