Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
