alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My pussy is not your playground.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
