just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
