it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
