I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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