When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
