they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
