so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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