If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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