I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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