when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
