Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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