The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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