He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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