is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
