When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
