he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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