I want to walk on stilts...naked
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He did a backflip because drugs
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