dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
