the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
