Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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