No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
