omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
