Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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