hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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