The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
