guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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