you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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