the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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