You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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