so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
