I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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