Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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