i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
