I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
