Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
