Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
