He had one of those small greek statue penises
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
