Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize