ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
