im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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