At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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