Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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