She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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