There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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