i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
