I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
