If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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