they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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