It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
