I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
