So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
